We spoke to Vaishali Mehta, a mother of two - one of them a special child. Here is her story in her own words. We salute your courage!
My elder son Parshva Mehta came into my life like a ray of light that spelled happiness beyond words, joys that the heart never knew and moments that were precious than jewels. I got the sweet taste of motherhood as soon as I took him in my lap and got lost in those innocent eyes. Well, nothing changed since then, Parshva today is a big boy and I can safely say that he is still mamma’s little boy. He is 10 years old, goes to school, gets along well with his cousins and sibling and is pampered by everyone at home.
Everything seems normal going by these words right? Well, everything is that way, except that my son suffers from cerebral palsy diagnosed when he was three months old. No, don’t feel sad for me because I don’t feel sorry for myself. In fact, I believe that my child isn’t a special child, but I am a special mother. Yes, I am blessed to have him as my son, I am the chosen one. Here is a caregiver's guide to take care of children suffering from cerebral palsy.
Knowing the unknown
When Parshva was just two months old spending most of his time on my lap, I sensed that something was amiss. He wasn’t able to move his head. Agreed, babies gain head and neck control only after six months of age, but a mother knows when things are not right. He wasn’t able to move his head either backward or forward; it was kind of stiff, not how a baby’s delicate neck should be. I could have brushed this off had it not been for the stiffness I noticed in his limbs; he couldn’t move his hands too. I knew it was something I should not sleep over; soon we headed to our paediatrician for better assessment. Once the doctor checked him, there was a series of tests that followed to reach the right conclusion. But the prognosis was out quite soon with an MRI that spelled doom. It was cerebral palsy the reports confirmed. The world around me was dark as hell, yes that is how difficult it was to accept the diagnosis. Here is all that you need to know about developmental delays in children.
When the doctor analysed and accessed his birth history, it was learnt that the basal ganglia a group of structures linked to the thalamus in the base of the brain involved in coordination of movements suffered some damage during birth. This could be a probable cause for the condition. A condition like cerebral palsy happens when the brain during the developmental phase in the womb suffers some damage, however, postnatal trauma to the brain after birth can also be a cause. I remember when Parshva was born he didn’t cry at first, doctors said it is possible that the oxygen supply to the brain was restricted during that time which damaged the nerves in the basal ganglia. Well, no amount of scientific explanation helps a mother come to terms with such a diagnosis. Here is all that you need to know about cerebral palsy.
But mothers have a heart that can absorb any shock and still garner the courage to help her child grow and prosper the right way. And, I learnt it only after the diagnosis came out. Once the diagnosis was confirmed our life changed and it changed forever. It was a kind of life we knew nothing about, the challenges were unknown, the emotions raw.
Coming to terms
When your child needs help, it is not the right time for you to sulk or ask, ‘Why me?’ So I refrained from doing it. Instead, what I did was to look for ways to help my son grow and blossom. My husband Nikunj and I were like rock solid support for each other. Since I stay in a joint family, everybody came forward to support us and help us bring up our child. But life in practical terms turned to be like weeks filled with doctor’s appointments, physiotherapy sessions and running from pillar to post looking for a way to help my child be 'just like other children.' I will be lying to you if I say that I wasn’t hoping for a miracle to happen. In fact, the first two years whenever I took him to a doctor’s clinic I hoped that I will hear, ‘everything is fine with your child.’ But that never happened. Eventually, I realised that my son will be different and I have to find ways to help him grow in a secure and loving environment. This self-realisation didn’t happen overnight; it took a lot of self-talk, self-assurance and support from my family to become the strong mother that I am today.
The first two years just flew by. Slowly and steadily I learnt to pick up the cues that Parshva sent out as his speech was restricted. I learnt to understand his![family]()
gestures and soothe him when he was upset. I find out ways to keep him entertained. I read, sang and played with him and life seemed to be all fun and frolic. When he was 3.5 years old, I was expecting my second child. Yes, I did have jitters. Having Parshva and expecting a second child I wondered how things will shape in future. But all my worries were put to rest when my husband and family stood by my side. In fact, my second son Rishhab’s birth was like a breeze to Parshav. While he was always close to his cousins having a sibling made a lot of difference to his emotional well-being.
And life goes on
Parshva needs attention and care more than anything, and I am aware of that. His days are more like a set-routine which helps him to gain some semblance out of his life. His mornings start with me and he can just sense it when I am up. The morning hours are more like Mamma-Parshav bonding time where we spend some playful moments and head for a bath. He has his breakfast with me and then is off to his school that helps more in therapy and development. Once back from school he has his lunch and nap. After this, he has a physiotherapist visiting him for some movement exercises and then it’s time for a walk in the park, play time, fun time. At home he is happy to be surrounded by his cousins and brother.
Do we face challenges raising him, you may ask. I will say yes we do, but it is as mundane as the ones every mother faces. He is pampered and has become stubborn because of that and we know that it is love that will help him mellow down his temper. Taking him from one place to another is a task, yes he cannot walk on his own and we need a wheelchair to carry him around. Even infrastructural systems in the country needs to be amended in a manner for catering to the varied needs of those afflicted by cerebral palsy. Bad potholed roads prevent the use of a wheelchair owing to which either Nikunj or a helper has to carry Parshva physically whenever we travel.
But that is not what bothers me. I know that I will not be by his side forever, so my sole focus is making him more independent. Today with all his therapies and help he is able to move his left hand and can hold things on his own. He can also sit and get up from his seat though he still needs help at times. I hope the therapies and movement practise will yield results in future.
Life as a mother
It has been a rollercoaster ride I can say the least, with Parshav and Rishab growing together. But it is worth it. It was my husband and family who helped![Parshav and briothers]()
me keep my sanity intact even during the tough situations. But as a mother I believe that one should not forget herself entirely while taking care of kids. Being a caregiver can be very draining. I have my own set-up of playgroup and nursery which enriches me emotionally, interacting with the kids. I don’t get much time for myself, but I am not complaining. I never refer to Parshav as a special child how the society defines children with disabilities; every child is special. In fact, I urge those parents who look down on their kids for problems like attention deficit or other behavioural issues to stop doing that. This will never help. Remember, all your child have in this world is your love and support to thrive and live, don’t deprive your child of that gift. Children are great teachers too, Parshav taught me how to look at life in a different light and find happiness in small things, like when I see his happy face when we go out it soothes my heart. Rishab showed me how easy it is to get along with his brother who isn’t like him in many ways. He taught me that happiness lies in embracing life as it is. And my family, I can’t even start to thank what they did for me throughout. I pray that every mother gets enough strength to pull herself through the ups and downs of life.
Image source: Vaishali Mehta.
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gestures and soothe him when he was upset. I find out ways to keep him entertained. I read, sang and played with him and life seemed to be all fun and frolic. When he was 3.5 years old, I was expecting my second child. Yes, I did have jitters. Having Parshva and expecting a second child I wondered how things will shape in future. But all my worries were put to rest when my husband and family stood by my side. In fact, my second son Rishhab’s birth was like a breeze to Parshav. While he was always close to his cousins having a sibling made a lot of difference to his emotional well-being.
And life goes on
Parshva needs attention and care more than anything, and I am aware of that. His days are more like a set-routine which helps him to gain some semblance out of his life. His mornings start with me and he can just sense it when I am up. The morning hours are more like Mamma-Parshav bonding time where we spend some playful moments and head for a bath. He has his breakfast with me and then is off to his school that helps more in therapy and development. Once back from school he has his lunch and nap. After this, he has a physiotherapist visiting him for some movement exercises and then it’s time for a walk in the park, play time, fun time. At home he is happy to be surrounded by his cousins and brother.
Do we face challenges raising him, you may ask. I will say yes we do, but it is as mundane as the ones every mother faces. He is pampered and has become stubborn because of that and we know that it is love that will help him mellow down his temper. Taking him from one place to another is a task, yes he cannot walk on his own and we need a wheelchair to carry him around. Even infrastructural systems in the country needs to be amended in a manner for catering to the varied needs of those afflicted by cerebral palsy. Bad potholed roads prevent the use of a wheelchair owing to which either Nikunj or a helper has to carry Parshva physically whenever we travel.
But that is not what bothers me. I know that I will not be by his side forever, so my sole focus is making him more independent. Today with all his therapies and help he is able to move his left hand and can hold things on his own. He can also sit and get up from his seat though he still needs help at times. I hope the therapies and movement practise will yield results in future.
Life as a mother
It has been a rollercoaster ride I can say the least, with Parshav and Rishab growing together. But it is worth it. It was my husband and family who helped
me keep my sanity intact even during the tough situations. But as a mother I believe that one should not forget herself entirely while taking care of kids. Being a caregiver can be very draining. I have my own set-up of playgroup and nursery which enriches me emotionally, interacting with the kids. I don’t get much time for myself, but I am not complaining. I never refer to Parshav as a special child how the society defines children with disabilities; every child is special. In fact, I urge those parents who look down on their kids for problems like attention deficit or other behavioural issues to stop doing that. This will never help. Remember, all your child have in this world is your love and support to thrive and live, don’t deprive your child of that gift. Children are great teachers too, Parshav taught me how to look at life in a different light and find happiness in small things, like when I see his happy face when we go out it soothes my heart. Rishab showed me how easy it is to get along with his brother who isn’t like him in many ways. He taught me that happiness lies in embracing life as it is. And my family, I can’t even start to thank what they did for me throughout. I pray that every mother gets enough strength to pull herself through the ups and downs of life.
Image source: Vaishali Mehta.
For more articles on parenting, visit our Parenting section. For daily free health tips, sign up for our newsletter.For health related Q&A, click here!